i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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