went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
