Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
