i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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