Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
