Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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