I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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