he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
