The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
