Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
