Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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