it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
