i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
