I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
