I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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