i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize