I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
