Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize