Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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