When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
