This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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