I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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