That's intense
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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