Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
