For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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