The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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