Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
