Umm I'm too high to move.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
