My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
