Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
