I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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