i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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