let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
