I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
