You're so nebulous sometimes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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