why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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