I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
