I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She told me I should be a condom model.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
