didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
