She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
