I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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