Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
