Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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