That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.