that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.