why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
