I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
