She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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