I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
