i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
