I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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