They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
