I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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