i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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