He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
