I smell stomach acid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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