What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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