So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they're like a gay fantastic four
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
