You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
