Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
