The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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