I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
