You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
