Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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