You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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