Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
