We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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