I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
