I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize