my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
