You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
