I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
