The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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