Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he told me I talked like a deaf person
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize