He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
