dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
