Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
