if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need a beard to bite.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
