Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
