you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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