some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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