hell yes lets make some ravioli
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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